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tonight is a beautiful late may evening. the temperature is just right, the sunset was amazing. and my upstairs neighbor must be out for the evening because the chihuahua upstairs has been barking non stop for 3 hours straight. it's nights like these that remind me of why i started this site. i haven't taken the time to spell it all out, yet, so i think the time has finally come to do just that!
a little over 2 years ago, one of the women living above me got a chihuahua. it was a prissy little tyrant. any sound generated outside would set it off barking. traffic on the road out front, animal noises from the back, don't even get me started on people approaching and entering the building. if i ran into my upstairs neighbor walking the beast, the tiny thing would strain on the leash in a desperate effort to show my ankle who was boss. i hated that piece of shit k9rodent.
so... when the absentee landlords caught wind of its presence and evicted the upstairs neighbors i was elated. i honestly had nothing to do with any of it, i swear! since i wasn't in my apartment legally, i wasn't about to do anything to rock the boat. but the weeks and months that passed after their eviction were a treasured island of serene bliss that i look back upon with great fondness now. and, as with all things, this too would pass...
the eviction freed the absentee landlords to sell the unit, including the additional space i was squatting in. when the new landlord moved in and discovered me, she turned out to be amazingly nice and allowed me to stay and sign a lease with her, not even raising my rent. but there is a price...
the first weekend she moved in, she must have dropped all her chihuahuas off and left to do errands or something. since it was all new, i had no idea how many were up there, but i was sure there were 4 - at least. one would start yapping, which sparked another into yapping, which would incite a third into howling, and then i was pretty sure there was a fourth sporadicly adding barks in there too, but i couldn't be sure. if there was a pause in this pandemonium, it was for them to take laps, running as a pack of course, from the front of the building to the back, and then back to the front taking a brief pause at each end. the average repetition of this cycle was around 5 times before starting the chorus of yapbarkhowling again.
so, this was my new reality. i'd been saved from one hell's minion only to be delivered to a pack of them. i was later to learn there were actually only 2 chihuahuas up there. if i didn't have my passive aggressiveness in check, i'd recommend my landlord take the show on the road. there has to be money in devil spawn ventriloquist beasts, right?
i hate those dogs so much... i long for their deaths. their demise is like a sweet nectar that i'm forbidden from drinking. i'm glad i've never been alone with them because i'm not sure i wouldn't murder them and bathe in their blood. and i'm a vegetarian. a vegetarian since birth.
i don't understand how people can enjoy a life under the whimsical burden of these horrible vermin. their owners love them and selfishly subject the rest of the world to having to live with them too. the dogs might not live in my unit, but they're more in my life than any friend or lover. i deal with their shit, literally, every day.
i love my apartment. i love being able to live where i live. but what i'm not paying in rent i'm paying in sanity.
and the barking has continued through me writing this, rereading and editing, and will continue indefinitely as i turn up the music in my headphones.
joy and bliss to us all. oohhhhhhmmmmmm.